Hey guys, think you know everything there is to know about having sex with women? That erotic encyclopedia you carry around in your head may contain a lot of basic errors and omissions about women's sexuality -- errors that can lead to sex mistakes.
That's because -- after learning the facts of life -- most of us are left to figure out sex for ourselves. Guys tend to take a lot of cues from adult movies, and we all know how true-to-life those are. Experience may help, but many women can be shy when talking about what they like.
To help us with some sex tips, WebMD asked two acclaimed sex educators, Tristan Taormino and Lou Paget, to tell us what they think are the most common sex mistakes men make with women.
Taormino is a prolific author, lecturer, and video producer. Her latest project is the Expert Guide educational video series from Vivid Ed.
Paget is author of The Great Lover Playbook and other sex manuals, and she gives seminars nationwide.
Sex Mistake No.1: You Know What She Wants
Men often make assumptions about what a woman wants based upon what they've done with other women. But women aren't all the same.
"You develop a repertoire as you mature sexually, but you should never assume that what worked for the last person is going to work for this person," Taormino says.
That applies not only to sexual predilections, but also to relationships, she says. "There are women who can have no-strings-attached sex, and women who can get attached very easily, and then everyone in between."
Sex Mistake No. 2: You Have All She Needs
Some women can't have an orgasm with less than 3,000 rpm. No human tongue or fingers can generate that kind of vibration. But men typically think something is wrong if a woman needs a vibrator.
"If the only way that a woman can achieve orgasm is with a vibrator, she's not broken," Taormino says.
Think of a vibrator as your assistant, not your substitute. Many couples use vibrators together. "While you're doing one thing, or two things, the vibrator can be doing something else," Taormino says.
Sex Mistake No. 3: Sex Feels the Same for Men and Women
Paget says there tends to be a "huge disconnect" between men and women in the ways that sex feels good.
"When a man has intercourse with a woman, and his penis goes into her body, that sensation is so off the charts for most men, they cannot imagine that it isn't feeling the same way for her," Paget says. "It couldn't be further from the truth."
The inside of the vagina is probably less sensitive than the outer parts for most women. Also, deep thrusting may not feel so nice on the receiving end. If the penis is too long, "it feels like you're getting punched in the stomach," Paget says. "It makes you feel nauseous."
Sex Mistake No. 4: You Know Your Way Around a Woman's Anatomy
Most guys know generally what a clitoris is and where to find it. That's not to say that they really understand it.
More than 30 years ago, at the start of the "sexual revolution," a best-selling book called the Joy of Sex got Americans hip to the orgasmic importance of the clitoris. But the belief that women must be able to orgasm from vaginal penetration stubbornly persists.
"I still get letters from people who say things like, my wife can't [orgasm] from intercourse unless she has clitoral stimulation -- please help," Taormino says. "I want to write back and say, 'OK, what's the problem?'"
"For the majority of women, it's not going to happen that way," Paget says.
Men also lack information about how to touch it and how sensitive it is, Taormino says.
A touch that's bliss for one woman may feel like nothing special, or may even be painful for someone else. Some prefer indirect stimulation.
How can you find out how she likes to be touched? Try asking her.
Sex Mistake No. 5: Wet = Turned On
Guys sometimes get hung up if a woman doesn't get slippery enough for easy penetration. Don't worry about it.
"I think there's a myth that if you're turned on, you're wet," Taormino says. Not necessarily.
Some women tend to get wetter than others, and how much natural lubrication a woman has can change from day to day. It varies by the phase of her menstrual cycle, and it's subject to influences like stress and medications.
Sex Mistake No. 6: Silence Is Golden
A lot of guys think they should be silent during sex, but unless you speak up, your partner has to guess what's doing it for you and what isn't.
If you're respectful about it, a woman who wants to please you will probably appreciate some directions.
"I'm not saying push her head in your lap," Taormino says. "I think that, 'this is how I like it,' is a very useful conversation to have."
Nowadays, men are as concerned about maintaining their youthfulness and clear skin as women. It is already commonplace to see straight men putting on sunscreen, lip gloss, and even a concealer in public places. In fact, there has been a sharp rise in the number of skin care products and anti-aging creams specifically designed for men.
If you are one of those men who want to know how to make the skin look younger and wrinkle-free but are afraid of going to the mall to ask what products to use, read on and find out more about anti-aging and skin care tips for men:
Quit Smoking
Quite a number of studies have shown that smoking can make you age faster and look older. Enzymes released while smoking wears down elastin and collagen, which are main components of the skin. Furthermore, ditching your regular nicotine fix is not only good for your skin, but for your general health as well.
Keep Away From The Sun
Although man is gifted with thicker and less-prone-to-aging skin, the sun's rays, especially from 10AM to 3PM, can still damage your skin and speed up development of wrinkles and other skin blemishes. Thus, it is still best for you to not expose yourself outdoors during this time. However, if you must, then it is wise to wear a sun screen. Just chose a sun screen that has a high SPF, probably 60 or more. You can also buy sun screen that is specifically designed for men so you can be sure that it is not greasy and thick.
Get Adequate ZZZs
If you have watched the movie Machinist starring Christian Bale, you will get a picture of what you will look like if you do not have adequate sleep. Aside from the dark circles around your eyes, your skin will sag.
According to experts, sleep deprivation releases extra cortisol, which is a type of hormone that is responsible for breaking down your skin cells. On the other hand, if you have enough sleep, you will be producing an excess of human growth hormone, which is crucial in maintaining skin's elasticity and thickness.
Be Gentle With Your Face
Men have a tendency to scrub their face just as the way they are scouring a dirty pan. You have to realize that your face is very delicate so you have to treat it with care and gentleness. If you continue to mistreat your face, you will be having sagging skin and wrinkles. But if you don't want to look 10 years older, you should try to be a little gentler on your skin.
When washing your face, use a facial wash that is appropriate for your skin type. If you have regular acne breakouts and your face is almost always shiny and greasy, then use a facial wash that is for oily skin. It is more common for men to have oily skin. Meanwhile, if your skin is flaky, then you may have dry skin. If your skin is neither flaky nor oily, then you are blessed with normal skin.
Load On Fruits And Vegetables
Vegetables and fruits are high on antioxidants that are known to be effective in cell regeneration and cell growth. Furthermore, antioxidants are also effective in combating damages caused by sun exposure and free radicals.
Drink Lots Of Water
Studies have shown that water helps moisturize the skin from within. People who do not meet their water needs for the day usually have dry skin.
Use A Good Anti-Aging Cream
If you don't want to look two decades older than your wife even if you are just about the same age, you better use a good anti-aging cream. Look for natural ingredients and extracts, such as chamomile, olive leaf, and sunflower oil extracts. These ingredients have been proven to help moisturize your skin.
1. Getting angry at us for not reading your mind is like getting angry at yourself for not being able to fly. It's not just futile, it's physically impossible.
2. Yes, we do think Jessica Alba is hot. Sometimes we're even dumb enough to admit it.
3. Don't ask us to understand your shoe fetish. Asking us to respect it is even sort of pushing it.
4. You do look good without makeup, just not as good as you look with it.
5. Ever notice how we don't fight with our male friends? That's why we get so frustrated when we fight with you.
6. You care what you're wearing infinitely more than we do. In fact, if you're naked when you open the front door, you won't hear an argument from us.
7. You don't like to get hit on in public, you don't want to date online and you don't want to be set up on blind dates. Tell us if sending messenger pigeons is an appropriate way of courting. Because if it is, we're all over it.
8.
There should a statute of limitations on stupid things that we said that can come back to haunt us
There should a statute of limitations on stupid things that we said that can come back to haunt us. I propose 24 hours.
9. Cooking dinner for a man is like buying flowers for a woman, except it takes a lot more time, effort and thought for you to do it. Thanks. We appreciate it.
10. We actually like your girly pet-names for us, but please, not in front of the guys!
11. Just because we like looking at the women in Maxim doesn't mean we want to actually converse with the women in Maxim. Not for long, anyway.
12. Your nice guy friends are the most reliable source for telling you if your new boyfriend's a jerk. And he probably is. (By the way, you might want to consider marrying that nice guy who's giving you advice about the jerk.)
The male impotence drug Viagra may be useful for treating jet lag as well, according to Argentine researchers who gave it to hamsters made to feel like rodent globe-trotters.
The researchers manipulated the schedule of turning lights on and off to induce jet lag in the laboratory animals, they reported on Monday in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
Adult male hamsters given Viagra, also called sildenafil, recovered from jet lag up to 50 percent faster than hamsters that were not given it, the researchers said.
The scientists stopped giving the hamsters the highest dose they had been using in the experiment due to a certain side effect.
"However, we used the intermediate dose for the rest of the experiments because at that dose animals did not manifest the effects of sildenafil-induced penile erections," they wrote.
Flying across multiple time zones can confuse one's sleep-wake cycle, resulting in the condition called jet lag, marked by insomnia, sleepiness and difficulty concentrating.
Researchers Patricia Agostino, Santiago Plano and Diego Golombek of the Universidad Nacional de Quilmes in Buenos Aires gave doses of Viagra to the hamsters at night, then switched on bright lights six hours early to simulate eastbound flight.
They judged how well the hamsters adjusted to the changes by observing when they began running on exercise wheels.Continue to Reuters
Gonorrhea, a common sexually transmitted infection, can double the risk of bladder cancer in men. Earlier studies had already suggested a link and scientists from the Harvard School of Public Health in Massachusetts who monitored the health of 51,529 American men found 286 cases of bladder cancer in men who had had the infection.
"We observed a two-fold increase in bladder cancer risk among men with a history of gonorrhea," said Dr. Dominique Michaud, the lead author of the research reported in the British Journal of Cancer.
The link was stronger for invasive and advanced bladder cancer, which is more serious and difficult to treat, and among smokers.
Bladder cancer is the ninth most common cancer worldwide. Smoking is a leading cause of the disease and accounts for 65 percent of cases in men and 30 percent in women, according to the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) in Lyon, France.
"Gonorrhea is an infection that often recurs, causing local inflammation and symptoms such as incomplete emptying of the bladder. The inflammation itself or the associated symptoms could be contributing to the development of bladder cancer," Michaud said.
Professor John Toy, of the charity Cancer Research UK, said the findings strengthen the suspected linked between gonorrhea and bladder cancer in men.
"The next step is to confirm whether the increased risk could be caused directly by the gonorrhea infection or its symptoms," he said in a statement.
They usually buck recommended methods and fail more, study says
Most young smokers who try to quit usually do so on their own instead of using recommended methods, according to a report in the Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, a publication of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
This could explain why smokers age 16 to 24 have higher failure rates when they try to quit than do older smokers, the CDC notes in the article.
The article described results of the 2003 National Youth Smoking Cessation Survey, which looked at quitting behavior in 1,827 “established” smokers 16 to 24 years old. “Smokers who had ever tried to quit were asked about their knowledge of, and perceived availability of, and use of assisted and unassisted quitting methods,” the report states.
Of the six recommended quitting methods for adults — talk to a health professional, use nicotine-replacement products, use bupropion (such as Zyban), talk with a counselor, attend a program or class, and call a help line — only consulting a health professional was tried by at least 20 percent of young people surveyed.
On the other hand, six of the 11 unassisted methods that are not recommended by the U.S. Public Health Service were each used by at least 36 percent of respondents. The most common unassisted strategy (cutting back on the number of cigarettes smoked in a day) was tried by 88.3 percent of would-be quitters.
The other five commonly used unassisted methods were not buying cigarettes, tried by 56 percent of young smokers; exercising more (51 percent); trying to quit with a friend (47.5 percent); telling others they quit (44.5 percent); and switching to light cigarettes (36.1 percent).
Young women were more apt than young men to seek the help of a professional to kick the habit but they were less likely to have tried nicotine gum (14.4 percent vs 20.3 percent). Women were also more likely than men to enlist the help of a friend when trying to quit smoking and to have used self-help pamphlets or videos.
However, men were more likely than women to try exercise as a quit strategy and to switch to chewing tobacco, snuff or other tobacco products.
“The high proportion of respondents who tried to quit smoking by switching to light cigarettes or other tobacco products is “a concern because such strategies might undermine successful cessation,” the report states.
The CDC encourages young smokers to call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or seek help from a health professional......read more to determine the most appropriate method for them. (Reuters, December27,2006)
